New to the group and looking for help/advice…
Hello,
Well, here I sit coffee in hand and beginning my 3rd day on
Lexapro.
I just thought I should introduce myself and give you some
background.
I went to the doctor a few days back and after years of thought and
hindsight, I have come to realize that I have been depressed since
my early 20’s (I am 35). I never liked taking any drug of any
kind. But recently it got to the point where there is no option, it
seems. I actually went on Lex for about 1.5 months a year ago- then
quit. Felt way better, few sides (many positive), so I got off
thinking I was better. I know, it was s atupid thing to do. Felt
fine for a couple months after that. Then felt depressed until up
to today.
I am planning on seeing a psych next week.
I am finding that, like last year, that even after my third dose I
am catching myself in negativity. I am starting to see again how
negative my thoughts are. I realize I am 10x worse than Anakin
Skywalker! Before, I would fly off the handle at everthing, be
bitter towards my children for selfish reasons, not have “energy” to
do anything (including going to the doctor). It was not actions,
but entirely thoughts. I would be always tired (from being so
negative) by the end of the day.
One of my concerns is thinking that I may have to be a “lifer”. I
was thinking about getting off after 6 months. But some have
suggested that a year, at least, maybe even life. Depression runs
from both of my parents (manifested in different ways). So my cards
are stacked against me. Isn’t it hard to realize that things have
been messed up for longer than you think? Then to think that you
may be going down a path (taking meds) that you may never be able to
leave?