jaw clenching-shelly
Hi there this is alison.
I just want you to know that WOW its like i could have written your
post. i also have pain “syndromes” s well as like 5 different
degenerative issues going on in my spine. it took me about 3 years to get
them to stop trying to say it was nothing or anxiety and now the docs are
stunned. i also have a DX if fibro btu not sure if it holds water cause
they claimed that before they actually MRId my back and also i saw a
rheumy who said no and later my P doc has it DXd in my chart.( AND she
never told me . i only know after getting my files and seeing it in there
as a DX.)I asked about 20 times if she Still thought i had that and what
it meant ( i played i didn’t know to try to get her to talk about it. i
never got any answer just a gloss over. i am still unclear if i need to
go back to rhumatology to confirm this or if i just should go with it to
get treatment for all my pain ( like another reason i need pain
management) in any case. I too am young ( 36) but they say my spine looks
90 and i walk like i am 102. If i can walk. some days i cannot walk more
than 1/4 block other days i am much more active and tend to hurt myself .
I also have anxiety issues and so far lexapro was the most tolerable of
the drugs i have tried. I am seeing my psych and wonder what she is
pulling out of the hat next for me to try and give me bad side effects. i
am almost better off on nothing and just dealing with it. the sh*tty
thing is i cannot refuse meds i think cause i am on disability and
noncompliance is not going to go well should i go up fro a review. really
freaks me out i ado not have the leeway to make my own choices about what
works for me even if that means stay in therapy . do not use SSRIS and
stay with ativan as needed ( and i don’t use it that often ).
anyhow as you were saying about friends thinking ( and they get the
anxiety even less) they think i am over here having a pill party or
something when its so not like that they do not get it i am sort of
fighting for my life.( for it to be of acceptable quality if not pain and
anxiety free) they do not get how hard it really is for me . also i live
alone which makes things even harder they do not get if i need to stoop
soemthign and come home. now they have stopped calling OR they call and
say they would ask me to go but they know i am not up for it ( instead of
asking am i up for it today ) many days i d LOVE to see my friends
(friends are everything to me) and would extend myself to try to go out
ya know ( even if it meant i was wrecked for some days after. its very
frustrating . i found a letter on-line that is perfect to explain this
stuff. with permission from the group id like to post it here because i
think this letter could apply to both pain and depression and HO it is to
deal day by day and not be Able to do stuff or not know if its a good day
or bad. the letter is from a chronic pain patient but i really think its
great and does apply to anyone with an illness.
ye and the docs blaming one thing for symptoms and then another is SO
frustrating. it goes by specialty. docs say its physical. the psych
people lean harder On the psychological. OR there are the docs who just
do not belive you and then blame it on anxiety or depression once they
know that is a DX for the patient. it is all connected btu i know sort
of what is what . i have it . i feel it an I kind of do know to some
degree and I do have both things going on. doctors ahave forgotten a lot
of empathy and realy donto afdmit how much they do nto know. sadly
freidns soemtiems forget empathy too . I do find many tiems its due to
theor own issues more than mine or hwo they see theirs in lioght of mine.
liek when i was first DXd with anxiety mybest friend got angry wiuth me.
thenshe cam e round but told e what to do to cure it (liek she knows
whats bet for me ..bette than i do ) last she came full circle to
admitting to her own anxieties. and i think the admissionof mine made her
have to focus on hers more than she wanted to so it caused upheaval. now
soemthign new seems tobe goign on with her andi havenot had a callin over
2 months. maybe its 3 now. this is from isunderstandign also. she does
nto want to burden me is her claim. she coudl NEVER burdon me except by
NOT callign and tellign me her stuff as usual. i am still me just
didfferneces in what i cna and cannto do, that s what no one gets in
relation to my pain and my anxiety and it certianyl doesn effect my
carign for other s , ability to hear them , or desire to help or see
threm. it onyl increases those thigns inmy case thogh yes i have days
where i cannto talk due to my pain & /or anxiety cause i want to give out
my full attention to those i love
alison